Resilience Starts with Connection: 6 Conversations to Have with Young Children

Here are six powerful conversations, along with examples and prompts, to help children begin developing resilience from the inside out.

1. "It’s Okay to Feel Big Emotions"

Why it matters:
Children need to know that all feelings are safe to express. When we validate their emotions, they learn not to fear them—but to recognize and manage them.

What to say:

• “It sounds like you’re feeling really frustrated. That’s okay—everyone feels that way sometimes.”

• “Can you show me with your face or your body what your feeling looks like?”

Try this:

• Use a feelings chart to help name emotions visually.

• Share a time when you felt a big feeling and what helped you.

• Download our free posters — "I Feel… I Can… Affirmations" — to give kids language for naming feelings and choosing calming actions.

  👉 Download the posters here

Prompts:

• “What does it feel like in your body when you’re mad?”

• “Is it a small sad or a big sad?”

• “When you feel nervous, where do you notice it?”

2. "You Are Not Alone—I'm Here for You"

Why it matters:
Resilience grows stronger with connection. When children feel emotionally supported, they’re more likely to try again after hard moments.

What to say:

• “I see that this is really hard for you, and I’m staying right here with you.”

• “You don’t have to fix this on your own—we can figure it out together.”

Try this:

• Offer a quiet presence without trying to “solve” the feeling right away.

• Use physical connection (a hug, holding hands, sitting side by side) to ground them.

Prompts:

• “Do you want a hug, a hand squeeze, or space?”

• “What helps you feel safe when you're upset?”

• “When you're having a hard time, what do you want me to do?”

3. "Let’s Practice Calming Down Together"

Why it matters:
Regulation is a skill, not an instinct. Kids benefit from co-regulation with adults who model and guide them through calming techniques.

What to say:

• “Let’s take a slow breath together—like we’re blowing up a big balloon.”

• “Your feelings are big right now. Let’s sit together and take a few deep breaths.”

Try this:

• Practice “smell the flower, blow out the candle” breathing.

• Create a calming corner with sensory tools like soft toys, play dough, or a glitter jar.

Prompts:

• “What’s something that helps your body feel calm?”

• “Do you want to try breathing or counting together?”

• “Let’s think of a peaceful place in our minds. What does yours look like?”

4. "Mistakes Help Us Learn"

Why it matters:
Reframing mistakes as part of learning helps kids bounce back from disappointment with less shame and more curiosity.

What to say:

• “Oops! That didn’t go the way you wanted. What might you try next time?”

• “Even grown-ups mess up. I spilled my coffee today! We all make mistakes.”

Try this

• Celebrate effort over outcome (“I noticed you kept trying even when it was tricky!”).

• Tell stories about times you made a mistake and what you learned.

Prompts:

• “What was tricky about that?”

• “What do you think your brain is learning right now?”

• “Can you think of a time something was hard at first, but you got better with practice?”

5. "You Are Strong in So Many Ways"

Why it matters:
Kids often think strength means being tough or not crying. Help them see the full picture: kindness, asking for help, trying again—all these are strength.

What to say:

• “You were really brave to ask for help. That takes strength.”

• “I saw how patient you were when you had to wait. That’s a kind of strong, too.”

Try this:

• Reflect back their resilience in daily moments.

• Help them make a “Strength Jar” where you add slips of paper celebrating their emotional wins.

Prompts:

• “What’s something hard you did today?”

• “When did you feel proud of yourself?”

• “Can you think of a time you were strong in your heart?”

6. "You Are Enough Just As You Are"

Why it matters:
It’s natural to want to cheer kids on when they’re doing something “big”—like scoring a goal at soccer or finishing a hard school assignment. But when praise mainly shows up during achievements, kids can start to believe their value comes from what they do, not who they are.

True resilience is built when children feel seen, loved, and appreciated just for being themselves—not for how fast they run, how well they behave, or how much they achieve. When we focus on who they are—kind, thoughtful, curious, brave—we nurture an inner confidence that isn’t tied to constant approval or performance.

What to say:

• “I love how thoughtful you are. You really notice when someone needs help.”

• “You don’t have to do anything special to be loved—you already are.”

• “I love spending time with you.”

Try this:

• Shift from achievement-based praise (“Good job!” or “You’re so smart”) to identity-affirming praise:

  • Instead of: “You did that so fast!”

    Try: “I love how carefully you took your time.”

  • Instead of: “You’re a great drawer!”

    Try: “I can see your imagination in this. I love the way you think.”

• Reflect their character strengths, not outcomes:

  • “You’re a great listener.”

  • “You have such a gentle heart.”

  • “Your kindness really shows.”

Prompts:

• “What do you love about who you are—not just what you can do?”

• “When do you feel most like yourself?”

• “Can you think of a time you were proud of how you treated someone?”

Final Thought:

These conversations don’t have to be perfect, and they don’t have to be long. What matters most is showing up, staying present, and returning to them again and again. With every small, honest conversation, you’re helping a child build the confidence to face life’s challenges—and the trust to know they don’t have to do it alone.